How to Say No and Preserve the Relationship – Part 1 – by Ruth King

I’ve been a fan of Rick Houcek for years and subscribe to his weekly email. Recently he wrote the 14 ways to say no – nicely. With his permission I will give them to you over the next two weeks. If you want to subscribe to his weekly email: rick@soarwitheagles.com

Here they are:

1. Script out your ‘no’ response in writing and rehearse it. Keep polishing it. You don’t want to stutter and stammer. You want to be comfortable, at ease, and measured. Script it and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse — until it sounds unrehearsed — so you can deliver it calmly, smoothly, confidently.
2. Start with a compliment. Something like, “You two always throw the best parties, which is why we feel so horrible for having to miss it. So sorry, we’re unavailable that night.”  Or you could say, “I am so proud of you for getting behind this charity. You so frequently give your time to worthy causes, which is why I am so disappointed I can’t participate with you, because I’m committed to…,” etc., etc.
3. Be gracious and thankful. Say something like, “You have honored me greatly by asking me to serve on your committee, but my plate is full right now (or my time is over-committed), and I would be unable to give this the attention it deserves. Thank you for thinking of me.”  Another gracious response might be, “I’m flattered you’d like me to join your group, but unfortunately…,” etc., etc.
4. You could say, “I’d love to do this, but…”  And then state your reason. Now, you have to be careful on this one. Only say I’d love to if it’s true. In fact, as stated earlier, always be truthful in any ‘no’ response, because they might just ask you for a future commitment instead, since you seem to love it so much. If you don’t really love it, don’t say it.
5. Ask for a time extension to decide. Say something like, “You know, I’m not in a position right now to say yes. I have to check with X (maybe another person).”  Or you could say, “I’ve got to check on a few other commitments first.”  Or… “Please grant me some time to think about this, and I promise I’ll get back to you.”  Then, ask for a window of time to respond with your answer. Like, “Can I get back to you the day after tomorrow?”  Then don’t leave them hanging. If you ask for extra time, have the integrity to stick firmly to it.
6. Don’t let someone push you into an answer before you’re ready. If they say, “I’m sorry, we really need an answer now.”  Then, you say apologetically and confidently, “Oh, that’s a shame. If you need an answer now, I’m afraid it will have to be no. I can’t make that commitment right now without first doing X.”  Notice the set-up words that cushion the blow like, “That’s a shame,” and “I’m afraid.” Not just, “You need an answer now? Then no!”  That’s too short, too blunt, too rude.
7. Ask to reschedule. You could say, “I’m sorry, but now’s not a good time. I’m in the middle of a major project that’s commanding my attention. Can we get together later today or tomorrow? Or Thursday?”  Or you could say, “Can I call you back in the morning? We’re right in the middle of X.”  (A meeting, a major project, dinner, etc.) Those are always polite things to say to reschedule.

Next week I will give you the final seven.

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Ruth King is well known as “The Profitability Master.” She is passionate about helping small business owners become profitable and stay profitable. For over 40 years she has coached, trained, and helped contractors and others achieve the business growth and goals they wanted to achieve. 

Contact Ruth by emailing ruthking@hvacchannel.tv.