I’ve been a fan of Rick Houcek for years and subscribe to his weekly email. Recently he wrote the 14 ways to say no – nicely. With his permission I am giving them to you. Last week I gave you the first seven. This week I’ll give you the last seven. If you want to subscribe to his weekly email: rick@soarwitheagles.com
Here are the last seven:
- Ask for an alternative. Say something like, “I won’t be able to help you as you have requested, but I may be able to support you in a different way. Are there any other options?” And leave it open-ended for the other person to come up with suggestions. Or…
- Make a specific offer of an alternative. You could say, “I may be able to support you in a different way than you’re asking. In fact, if it works for you, I’d specifically like to offer X.” Whatever ‘X’ is, make sure it truly does work for you. If your offer doesn’t work for them, they’ll be grateful you tried, and there is integrity is offering.
- If you can’t offer an alternative, give something back, even if it’s totally unrelated and on a different subject. Like something from a prior conversation. Maybe it’s a referral to another person, an introduction to a VIP, a link to a website, quick tips, or an article, or a book. This supports the etiquette rule of reciprocity. It’s like never going to someone’s house without a gift, flowers, a bottle of wine, or something. In other words, when someone offers you something, even if you can’t say yes, offer something in return — even if later, even if unrelated. I’ve offered: “If you’ll give me the name and contact information of your organization’s top leader, I’ll be happy to donate 10 of my books, signed, that can be given as awards to your top 10 producers.”
- Explain briefly, but don’t over-explain. Depending on the closeness of your relationship, you may feel comfortable giving a full explanation of your reason for saying no, but if you’re not very close, giving a detailed reason is less needed.
- You don’t fit. Say something like, “You know, I don’t think I’m the best person for this. While I’m grateful for the offer, I think you might be better served by Jill or Steve, or someone who has a talent for X. That’s not my strong suit.”
- Reveal what you ARE interested in. When I’m asked for a sizeable money donation, for example, if it’s not a cause I’m passionate about, I usually say, “Thank you for asking. I am happy to contribute to worthy causes, but I choose to limit my donations to the 3 causes I’m most obsessive about, which are X, Y, and Z. I’m sure you’ll find many other people with personal passions that match yours.” Again, be truthful. My 3 are wounded warriors, children with debilitating diseases, and young entrepreneurs. And when I say those 3 — because I’m specific — they know I’m sincere — not blowing them off with a lie.
- Always close with gratefulness as a way of respecting the other person’s dignity. Say something like, “Thank you for being such a loyal friend (or loving cousin).” Or, “Thanks for having my back.” Or, “I’m honored to be in your circle of friends ( or in your world, or on your go-to team).” And if it’s someone you don’t know, like a phone solicitor who gets lots of rude responses and quick hang-ups — which wouldn’t feel good if it were done to you or someone you love — say “I appreciate the call, but my interests lie in other areas, so I can’t be of any help. Thank you for asking.” Rather than just hanging up. Always take the dignified high road.
Use these 14 ways to say no and preserve your relationships. You will treat people with honor in the process.
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Ruth King is well known as “The Profitability Master.” She is passionate about helping small business owners become profitable and stay profitable. For over 40 years she has coached, trained, and helped contractors and others achieve the business growth and goals they wanted to achieve.
Contact Ruth by emailing ruthking@hvacchannel.tv.
